Thursday, 14 March 2013

Off-Topic: DOG IN A BAG


This is Holly the sausage. You might've noticed her little face in a previous post. Mr Flatzilla and I are waaaay off having kids so Holly the sausage is our furry substitute. Generally, we take her everywhere with us as she is very old and since losing her lifelong sausage companion three years ago, she has become increasingly distressed whenever we leave her alone, so we try to do so only when absolutely necessary.

As you can see, Holly likes riding around in the trolleys of various DIY Meccas. In the last two weeks, we've taken her to B&Q three times, Homebase, Wickes and Screw Fix. At none of the above have we had any issues, seeing as Holly stays in her snuggly carrier bag, doesn't bark, wee or poo (sometimes she lets off the odd fart but still, she's 14!) and generally the staff are most welcoming to her little ginger face.

Anyway, up until this point we had an unbroken record in welcomeness until we visited the blue and yellow behemoth that is IKEA the other night on a mission to sort out our new kitchen. Now, I checked the website, I checked the door. Nowhere on either of these is there a 'no dogs' sticker. Of course, you're probably not meant to take dogs to places like IKEA but seeing as small children are allowed to run willy nilly through the aisles and smash up displays, we figured a small dog in a bag probably wouldn't raise any more eyebrows than usual.

And in fact, she didn't. We made it all the way round the entire store, making notes, testing extractor fans and comparing work surfaces without so much as a moment's notice paid to the ginge. Until we got through the barriers and I went off to buy some herring and a bottle of water from the food shop while Mr Flatzilla waited 10 feet from the exit.

It was of course at this point that a jobsworth IKEA employee, no doubt counting the minutes until they could clock off, spotted her as Mr Flatzilla chatted to another customer who was enquiring about her rather swish Harris Tweed carrier bag (it's from lovemydog.co.uk for those who are interested). Now, there is a certain irony in the fact that Mr F was standing no more than 10 feet away from the exit at this point. Mr F pointed out that we were leaving as soon as I'd got my Swedish biscuit fix and asked if the dog had bothered any customers. No, came the answer. Okay then. BUT SHE MIGHT. Right.

At this point Mr F flippantly enquired if he could make a complaint about the angry Haribo-filled five year old who had repeatedly charged through the kitchen section, ramming into anything they could (including me) with a trolley. Apparently not, this behaviour is totally acceptable.

So, small destructive child? Good. Small sausage dog in a bag? BAD. GET OUT.

Needless to say, I will be buying our kitchen online instead.

For those curious about our kitchen, below is a little moodboard to whet your appetites. Click to expand.



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